I-270 Northbound, on a daily basis, gets dangerous between exits 18 and 22. There's a lane drop, a truck weigh station, and about eleventy billion morons with drivers licenses. Add that all up and its one real shitty bottle neck that doesnt clear up until you get past Frederick on Route 15.
Today, however, a crew was out mowing the grass (which Maryland has really let go lately.. ). Now on top of everyone already being a dumbass, something out of the normal going on makes it 1000 times worse.
Do not fucking slow down to look at people cutting the damn grass. It's Friday, and I've got shit to do, so that is all... you fucking assholes.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
If you're from Pennsylvania, you might be a jackass.
A lot of the time when I'm driving home from work, I fantasize about running some chain-link fence across the MD/PA border on Route 15. I figure it would save everyone coming up 270 about 10-15 minutes one-way.
Around here, the only drivers even close to as bad as PA drivers, are Virginia drivers. But that is a topic for another day, perhaps one when VA drivers piss me off this much.
My entire drive to and from work is plagued with not only idiot drivers from Maryland, but a collection of assholes from every other one of the continental US, I also see a lot of Quebec and even a few Hawaii and Alaska. Summer time is bad for this, lots of people on the summer vacation, dumbfucks that default to the left lane because they have no idea where they are and where they are going. But out of all of this, not one single state has drivers as completely blind and retarded as PA.
You see, I'm not the only one that things this way.. I've heard many people bitch about this. What in the FUCK is wrong with you PA people? Why on earth do you get in the left lane, drive either exactly the speed limit or slower, and REFUSE to move right? Today's drive home, which started pretty early in the afternoon, was fucked, totally fucked. Absolutely nothing on earth pisses me off more than being far back in a big chain of cars in the left lane, looking ahead and seeing one worthless piece of shit at the front moving 50mph, no one in front of him/her, and not getting the fuck out of the way for anything. All of the lemmings fall in line and follow.. a few of them, like me, get pissed, start trying to weave through the right lanes for a little chance of getting past.
Now when this happens, and the asshole is not driving a prius, you can almost bank on it being someone with PA tags, or a fucking double whammy, a prius with PA tags ( see previous post for prius rant). Today, I had the pleasure of spending 30 FUCKING MILES stuck in slow moving traffic, the front of this line was a Black Honda Accord, with, you guessed it, PA tags. Now in this mess of cars behind the accord, roughly 30 cars between me and her at first, there were plenty of other PA tagged vehicles, all of which, perfectly ok with going 50mph. I found this out in my journey to the front of the line, the closer I got to the front, the more disgusted I became. A total of 3 PA tagged vehicles in the left lane, over time, each one became its own lead car, spaced out from the next group of cars. I made my way to the rear bumper of every single one, spent about 5 minutes behind each, waiting for the adjacent right lane to open up so they -could- move over.. and nothing.
If there is enough space, I'll give someone about 60 seconds to move right, if theres no signs of it, then I will pass on the right. Now, again, I am not the only person angry with these fools, others much more than I. You would think every single person going around you to the right, then purposely cutting you off would clue the PA drivers in, but no.
Back to queen cunt of shit mountain, the bitch in the accord as I came to think of her. While I had left early, by the time I hit the lane drop on 270 it was getting later into the afternoon, and congestion was growing worse. She continued to refuse to move out of the right, there were still 5 cars between her and I. Every single one of those cars, absolute idiot driving. Thanks to congestion, while there were plenty of opportunities for her to move right, there was not enough room to pass. She continued to twiddle her twat in the left lane until the first exit for Frederick... 30 fucking miles of left lane witchery before she finally, finally moved right. Dumb bitch single handedly took away 10-15 minutes of my life if not more (gets complicated when you start factoring in going faster means being further ahead of the rush hour traffic..).
I was sure to give her a nice round of applause (literally) as I passed her.. I find that gets the point across better than one-finger gestures.
------------
Today's fuck off and die shoutout goes out to you, state of Maryland. You dumb fucking shit for brain cock sucking morons. 270 is plagued with a few overhead electronic signs, you'd think by now the Maryland state highway administration would have figured out that when you put a blinking message on those boards at rush hour, it causes chaos and panic from every single dumbfuck on the road (basically just about everyone). People slam on their brakes, traffic comes to a stop, rush hour starts 30 minutes earlier because you wanted to say "click it or ticket", and accidents literally happen because of the sudden stops.
What did this sign say today? An alternating - "Don't drive distracted" and "No Texting No handheld devices"
Genius idea.. assholes.
Around here, the only drivers even close to as bad as PA drivers, are Virginia drivers. But that is a topic for another day, perhaps one when VA drivers piss me off this much.
My entire drive to and from work is plagued with not only idiot drivers from Maryland, but a collection of assholes from every other one of the continental US, I also see a lot of Quebec and even a few Hawaii and Alaska. Summer time is bad for this, lots of people on the summer vacation, dumbfucks that default to the left lane because they have no idea where they are and where they are going. But out of all of this, not one single state has drivers as completely blind and retarded as PA.
You see, I'm not the only one that things this way.. I've heard many people bitch about this. What in the FUCK is wrong with you PA people? Why on earth do you get in the left lane, drive either exactly the speed limit or slower, and REFUSE to move right? Today's drive home, which started pretty early in the afternoon, was fucked, totally fucked. Absolutely nothing on earth pisses me off more than being far back in a big chain of cars in the left lane, looking ahead and seeing one worthless piece of shit at the front moving 50mph, no one in front of him/her, and not getting the fuck out of the way for anything. All of the lemmings fall in line and follow.. a few of them, like me, get pissed, start trying to weave through the right lanes for a little chance of getting past.
Now when this happens, and the asshole is not driving a prius, you can almost bank on it being someone with PA tags, or a fucking double whammy, a prius with PA tags ( see previous post for prius rant). Today, I had the pleasure of spending 30 FUCKING MILES stuck in slow moving traffic, the front of this line was a Black Honda Accord, with, you guessed it, PA tags. Now in this mess of cars behind the accord, roughly 30 cars between me and her at first, there were plenty of other PA tagged vehicles, all of which, perfectly ok with going 50mph. I found this out in my journey to the front of the line, the closer I got to the front, the more disgusted I became. A total of 3 PA tagged vehicles in the left lane, over time, each one became its own lead car, spaced out from the next group of cars. I made my way to the rear bumper of every single one, spent about 5 minutes behind each, waiting for the adjacent right lane to open up so they -could- move over.. and nothing.
If there is enough space, I'll give someone about 60 seconds to move right, if theres no signs of it, then I will pass on the right. Now, again, I am not the only person angry with these fools, others much more than I. You would think every single person going around you to the right, then purposely cutting you off would clue the PA drivers in, but no.
Back to queen cunt of shit mountain, the bitch in the accord as I came to think of her. While I had left early, by the time I hit the lane drop on 270 it was getting later into the afternoon, and congestion was growing worse. She continued to refuse to move out of the right, there were still 5 cars between her and I. Every single one of those cars, absolute idiot driving. Thanks to congestion, while there were plenty of opportunities for her to move right, there was not enough room to pass. She continued to twiddle her twat in the left lane until the first exit for Frederick... 30 fucking miles of left lane witchery before she finally, finally moved right. Dumb bitch single handedly took away 10-15 minutes of my life if not more (gets complicated when you start factoring in going faster means being further ahead of the rush hour traffic..).
I was sure to give her a nice round of applause (literally) as I passed her.. I find that gets the point across better than one-finger gestures.
------------
Today's fuck off and die shoutout goes out to you, state of Maryland. You dumb fucking shit for brain cock sucking morons. 270 is plagued with a few overhead electronic signs, you'd think by now the Maryland state highway administration would have figured out that when you put a blinking message on those boards at rush hour, it causes chaos and panic from every single dumbfuck on the road (basically just about everyone). People slam on their brakes, traffic comes to a stop, rush hour starts 30 minutes earlier because you wanted to say "click it or ticket", and accidents literally happen because of the sudden stops.
What did this sign say today? An alternating - "Don't drive distracted" and "No Texting No handheld devices"
Genius idea.. assholes.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The left lane.. its the new right lane!
Ok, really? You're all fucking idiots.
Yes, congestion is a traffic problem, but guess what.. congestion is made exponentially worse by you.
It's pretty bad that you can pretty much bank on the right lane being substantially faster than the left. Its not because everyone is going faster in the right lane, but because traffic is so much more spaced out. This way, whenever there's a police car, accident, empty car in the shoulder, or blade of fucking grass in the median- and all of the Lemmings must slam on their brakes in awe- the traffic in the right lane closes in those gaps.
Moving about 40mph, coming down a hill on I-270 today I got a real nice view of this. About 200 cars in the left lane, all fucking Lemmings, perfectly content with moving 40mph because the guy at the front of the line is a fucking jackass and has absolutely no right to be behind the wheel of a car. Hi, welcome to the highway, asshole. In the right lane, about 20 cars spaced out the length of the 200 in the left lane. Absolutely no cars in front of the "pace car" on 270, and about a solid 500 ft ahead of the nearest car in the right lane. Not only do we have king jackass attempting to start the morning rush hour, but then we have the rest of you morons behind him, either too scared to pass, or so zoned out on your starbucks and blackberry's to realize what the fuck is going on.
Maybe I'm the only one that remembers this from the Maryland drivers hand book, but it pretty clearly states the left lane is only for passing. In fact just about every state has a law stating the left lane is for passing, why do you think that is? You see when the interstate system was created, it was designed for 70mph, and the guys that made it actually were not assholes, they didn't like fucktards slowing them down either. They figured, "hm, what could go wrong here? Oh shit I know, uncle Jeb's a little slow in the head, he's gonna get out here and drive 40mph... better make a rule that takes care of that." There are signs all over the highway that say "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT." Oh, you get it now? Here's a news flash, YOU are the slower traffic, so move over.
Now, with that said, we have the next type of dipshit- the intentional cocksucker. First take a look at the web address here, "moveprius.blogspot.com." Now Google the term "prius slow left lane," look at the discussion results you get. These diddly-shit peckers apparently get stock in the highway system when they buy a prius, they must own it, because they do whatever they want. Some report PURPOSELY slowing down traffic because "55mph is the most fuel efficient speed, so I'll make everyone get better gas mileage." Others drive in the left lane and do stupid shit to "hyper-mile" (this is a stupid hybrid car term, meaning to attempt to get the best mpg possible). When they hyper-mile some try this "Pulse & Glide" technique, where they slow to ridiculously slow speeds and pulse the accelerator to charge their batteries, so they can go even slower on battery only, with absolutely no respect for any other person on the highway. Another well-published, and absolutely moronic prius method is called "ridge riding." The wily prius owner will purposely drive with tires on one side of the car on the paint stripe. This is to "reduce drag.." ok, really? I couldnt even make this shit up, google it.. these people are not right.
You see Prius owners, most anyway, are brainwashed by the fancy computer in their car, turns driving into a game for them. "Ohhh lets see how much mpg I can get today on my 15mile drive to work, if I go 40 in a 65 it only takes me an extra 5 minutes to get to work/home, F everyone else". And then these little whiny bitches go on their prius forums and complain about "prius haters." News flash you pricks, we don't hate your prius, we hate the way you are driving. We're not jealous of your MPG, we're mad because you will not get the fuck out of the way. Maybe you're driving in the right lane, but your prius buddy up 20 cars ahead, in the left lane, is doing the same exact shit, between the two of you you are now creating a traffic jam.
I've thought about getting a prius many times, despite the fact that its one of the most ugly cars I've seen since the original Pontiac Aztek (which coincidentally looks like a prius on steroids), it gets 40-50mpg driving -FAST-, I dont need 70mpg. What is that really saving you, ever done the math? Not sure about you but my time is fucking expensive. But yes, I have thought about buying a prius, I have not because I actually need a car with passing power, because I have to weave around you shitfucks, or maybe its fear that I too will become one of the brainwashed pod people that devotes my life to saving $0.14 on every drive to work by taking an extra hour. And who the fuck decided these assholes get to drive in the HOV lanes? They already drive like assholes to get 70mpg and used to get huge tax credits (may still, dont know, dont care), why in the fuck would we let these assholes into the left-most lane? Sure good idea, now when they need to get over to exit, since they are all too busy watching their fuel computers they wait till the last minute, then either stop the HOV lane to merge into slower traffic, or slow down faster traffic in the non-HOV lanes slamming on their brakes to get over at the last minute. This is not a prius-specific phenomena, but I'm on a prius rant so roll with it.
Just to be clear though, the Prius -driver- is only a part of the problem, there are still more dumbasses with normal gas vehicles than there are dumbasses with hybrids. It is starting to get funny, I listen to WTOP for an hour or more in the morning on my drive to work. It is a necessity with traffic around here, you cant just listen to the traffic report on you're way out the door, you need to keep tabs on traffic the entire drive so you can divert and reroute if need be. Quite often they have some type of traffic related question for their "WTOP talkback line," and quite often you'll get Johnny Jackass calling saying "I drive 50mph in the left lane, the speed limit is 55, you are breaking the law if you go faster." You, Johnny Jackass, you are the problem, maybe you should take a look at the traffic laws again, as I said before, the LAW is that the left lane to only be used for passing, and that you MUST move right for faster traffic. Look at that, you're breaking the law. God damn hypocritical pricks.. Luckily there are no shortage of callers arguing my side, "you can go slow, do it somewhere other than a highway", "the left lane is the passing lane", "just get out of the way", or something similar..
The solution to the world's traffic problems is simple- make every road have 2 lanes in each direction, abolish all traffic laws with the exception of move right for faster traffic, and STRICTLY enforce that law. If you slap $5000 fines on people for not moving right, you better believe most of the congestion will clear up. Even better, with no other traffic laws it would now be legal to give the car in front of you a little courtesy tap.. just in case they didn't realize you were trying to pass them.
Keep the shiny side up, and out of my way.
-----------
Today's Captain Douchebag award goes to you, driver of the Silver Nissan Sentra, MD tags, getting off at my exit on I-66... Once I get off the highway, I have to merge into traffic, and get over to the far left turn lane in a matter of about 150 ft. In 6 years of working in this office, I have never once had a problem doing that, until you came along, sunshine. You too needed to get to the far turn lane, but unlike myself (or anyone else with half a brain), instead of speeding up to the speed of traffic to merge, you slow down and almost get rear ended cutting into traffic. Somehow you successfully played your game of frogger and got over to the far left turn lane without going over 5mph, unfortunately though you fucked up traffic so much I could not get over, first time in six fucking years. Had to take the long- back way around to get where I was going, much to my surprise to arrive at my work parking lot the same time as you. Too bad you were going to another building, I'd have loved the opportunity to explain merging to you, just as well though, I do not speak Spanish.
Yes, congestion is a traffic problem, but guess what.. congestion is made exponentially worse by you.
It's pretty bad that you can pretty much bank on the right lane being substantially faster than the left. Its not because everyone is going faster in the right lane, but because traffic is so much more spaced out. This way, whenever there's a police car, accident, empty car in the shoulder, or blade of fucking grass in the median- and all of the Lemmings must slam on their brakes in awe- the traffic in the right lane closes in those gaps.
Moving about 40mph, coming down a hill on I-270 today I got a real nice view of this. About 200 cars in the left lane, all fucking Lemmings, perfectly content with moving 40mph because the guy at the front of the line is a fucking jackass and has absolutely no right to be behind the wheel of a car. Hi, welcome to the highway, asshole. In the right lane, about 20 cars spaced out the length of the 200 in the left lane. Absolutely no cars in front of the "pace car" on 270, and about a solid 500 ft ahead of the nearest car in the right lane. Not only do we have king jackass attempting to start the morning rush hour, but then we have the rest of you morons behind him, either too scared to pass, or so zoned out on your starbucks and blackberry's to realize what the fuck is going on.
Maybe I'm the only one that remembers this from the Maryland drivers hand book, but it pretty clearly states the left lane is only for passing. In fact just about every state has a law stating the left lane is for passing, why do you think that is? You see when the interstate system was created, it was designed for 70mph, and the guys that made it actually were not assholes, they didn't like fucktards slowing them down either. They figured, "hm, what could go wrong here? Oh shit I know, uncle Jeb's a little slow in the head, he's gonna get out here and drive 40mph... better make a rule that takes care of that." There are signs all over the highway that say "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT." Oh, you get it now? Here's a news flash, YOU are the slower traffic, so move over.
Now, with that said, we have the next type of dipshit- the intentional cocksucker. First take a look at the web address here, "moveprius.blogspot.com." Now Google the term "prius slow left lane," look at the discussion results you get. These diddly-shit peckers apparently get stock in the highway system when they buy a prius, they must own it, because they do whatever they want. Some report PURPOSELY slowing down traffic because "55mph is the most fuel efficient speed, so I'll make everyone get better gas mileage." Others drive in the left lane and do stupid shit to "hyper-mile" (this is a stupid hybrid car term, meaning to attempt to get the best mpg possible). When they hyper-mile some try this "Pulse & Glide" technique, where they slow to ridiculously slow speeds and pulse the accelerator to charge their batteries, so they can go even slower on battery only, with absolutely no respect for any other person on the highway. Another well-published, and absolutely moronic prius method is called "ridge riding." The wily prius owner will purposely drive with tires on one side of the car on the paint stripe. This is to "reduce drag.." ok, really? I couldnt even make this shit up, google it.. these people are not right.
You see Prius owners, most anyway, are brainwashed by the fancy computer in their car, turns driving into a game for them. "Ohhh lets see how much mpg I can get today on my 15mile drive to work, if I go 40 in a 65 it only takes me an extra 5 minutes to get to work/home, F everyone else". And then these little whiny bitches go on their prius forums and complain about "prius haters." News flash you pricks, we don't hate your prius, we hate the way you are driving. We're not jealous of your MPG, we're mad because you will not get the fuck out of the way. Maybe you're driving in the right lane, but your prius buddy up 20 cars ahead, in the left lane, is doing the same exact shit, between the two of you you are now creating a traffic jam.
I've thought about getting a prius many times, despite the fact that its one of the most ugly cars I've seen since the original Pontiac Aztek (which coincidentally looks like a prius on steroids), it gets 40-50mpg driving -FAST-, I dont need 70mpg. What is that really saving you, ever done the math? Not sure about you but my time is fucking expensive. But yes, I have thought about buying a prius, I have not because I actually need a car with passing power, because I have to weave around you shitfucks, or maybe its fear that I too will become one of the brainwashed pod people that devotes my life to saving $0.14 on every drive to work by taking an extra hour. And who the fuck decided these assholes get to drive in the HOV lanes? They already drive like assholes to get 70mpg and used to get huge tax credits (may still, dont know, dont care), why in the fuck would we let these assholes into the left-most lane? Sure good idea, now when they need to get over to exit, since they are all too busy watching their fuel computers they wait till the last minute, then either stop the HOV lane to merge into slower traffic, or slow down faster traffic in the non-HOV lanes slamming on their brakes to get over at the last minute. This is not a prius-specific phenomena, but I'm on a prius rant so roll with it.
Just to be clear though, the Prius -driver- is only a part of the problem, there are still more dumbasses with normal gas vehicles than there are dumbasses with hybrids. It is starting to get funny, I listen to WTOP for an hour or more in the morning on my drive to work. It is a necessity with traffic around here, you cant just listen to the traffic report on you're way out the door, you need to keep tabs on traffic the entire drive so you can divert and reroute if need be. Quite often they have some type of traffic related question for their "WTOP talkback line," and quite often you'll get Johnny Jackass calling saying "I drive 50mph in the left lane, the speed limit is 55, you are breaking the law if you go faster." You, Johnny Jackass, you are the problem, maybe you should take a look at the traffic laws again, as I said before, the LAW is that the left lane to only be used for passing, and that you MUST move right for faster traffic. Look at that, you're breaking the law. God damn hypocritical pricks.. Luckily there are no shortage of callers arguing my side, "you can go slow, do it somewhere other than a highway", "the left lane is the passing lane", "just get out of the way", or something similar..
The solution to the world's traffic problems is simple- make every road have 2 lanes in each direction, abolish all traffic laws with the exception of move right for faster traffic, and STRICTLY enforce that law. If you slap $5000 fines on people for not moving right, you better believe most of the congestion will clear up. Even better, with no other traffic laws it would now be legal to give the car in front of you a little courtesy tap.. just in case they didn't realize you were trying to pass them.
Keep the shiny side up, and out of my way.
-----------
Today's Captain Douchebag award goes to you, driver of the Silver Nissan Sentra, MD tags, getting off at my exit on I-66... Once I get off the highway, I have to merge into traffic, and get over to the far left turn lane in a matter of about 150 ft. In 6 years of working in this office, I have never once had a problem doing that, until you came along, sunshine. You too needed to get to the far turn lane, but unlike myself (or anyone else with half a brain), instead of speeding up to the speed of traffic to merge, you slow down and almost get rear ended cutting into traffic. Somehow you successfully played your game of frogger and got over to the far left turn lane without going over 5mph, unfortunately though you fucked up traffic so much I could not get over, first time in six fucking years. Had to take the long- back way around to get where I was going, much to my surprise to arrive at my work parking lot the same time as you. Too bad you were going to another building, I'd have loved the opportunity to explain merging to you, just as well though, I do not speak Spanish.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Off we go...
I'll start off with saying this is all "fictional" of course.. all situations found within this blog are hypothetical..
First, a little about me.
When it comes to driving, I am an asshole, no question there. I hate just about all of you and think it would be absolutely fantastic if there was some type of movie-style zombie apocalypse. I find most people in general to be inconsiderate self-important jackasses.
I have, literally, one of the worst commutes in the nation. I travel daily from Frederick, MD to Fairfax, VA. Now depending on what time I leave, I either take I-270 to I-495 to I-66, or Route 15 to the Leesburg Bypass to the Dulles Toll Road to Hunter Mill Road, or the reverse for the commute home. These are some of the most congested routes in the nation, only falling behind highways in Southern California.
It is 60 miles one-way, 120 miles a day, of all out war. To survive you have 2 choices; you can commit to driving slow and having no life outside of work on weekdays because all of your time is in a damn car, or you can hone your senses, train in the jedi art of weaving through traffic, and free up an extra hour each day.
Only an hour you say? Think about it, what can you do in an hour? Well for one, how about you join a damn gym, I see you all eating your McDonalds breakfast driving into work, suspension on your car worn out on the drivers side from supporting your fat ass. When you sit in a car for 3-4 hours a day and work 9 hours.. doesnt leave much time for anything else, an extra hour goes a long way.
Posting my venting here will hopefully server 2 functions. First and foremost, if you can't vent about how stupid everyone with a drivers license is, it can eventually manifest itself into absolute insane road rage, the type where people get physically hurt, ridiculous blood pressure, and a string of other health problems from all of the stress. Second, hopefully some of you god damn idiots will read this and think about the way you drive.
---
With that out of the way, my first post here will be on police, probably not in the way you think.
If I had to pick a shitty old computer game to relate to today, it would have to be Lemmings. You remember that game? To sum it up, there's a bunch of creatures that all just follow one another, without thinking.. you basically lose the game when they all walk off the edge of a cliff following the one in front of them.
Well all of you idiots on 270, you are all fucking dead lemmings. On the way in to my office today, 270 came to several abrupt sudden stops, in the express (HAH!) lanes, for no apparent reason, as I worked my way further down the highway, I found the source of this. A police officer had someone pulled over. No, not in the middle of the road, on the absolute far right shoulder of the local lanes.
What in the fuck do you expect to gain by slamming on your god damn brakes to stare at the guy getting a ticket? Really, does this make your entire day rock, seeing someone else suck at not getting caught? And its not just one person, you see, dumbass is a highly contagious disease. One dumbass comes to an almost sudden stop out of nowhere to gawk at the car pulled over, he realizes it really wasn't worth it and starts to accelerate. Well if that was it then that would be it.. but, you guessed it, no. The person behind him after (hopefully) avoiding rearending dumbass #1 has now caught the disease, he too must now look and see what is going on.. repeat this about eleventy billion times and you see how a single police car pulling over a single car, for something like a tail light being out, can cause traffic to go from the normal ridiculous to absolutely rage-inspiring.
Now, cue the drive home, and at this point the dumbass disease has overtaken the entire population of Maryland (except for myself, I apparently have a natural immunity). 2 police cars have a single car pulled over, its occupants standing behind it. I know this because I had plenty of time to look, seeing how every single fucking driver in front of me had instantly lost all intelligence. Bring on the chaos! TWO police cars! Everyone frantically change lanes and swerve! Seriously.
The moral of the story: unless you are the one being pulled over, dont fucking slow down to look at stupid shit! You may only have a 15 minute drive to and from work, and maybe this is the height of your entertainment for the day, but a lot of other people- myself included, by this point have already been driving for 45 minutes and still have at least another 30 to go. So how about you try to contain your retardation, go home and watch some stupid shit on YouTube, get your fix somewhere else... jackass.
---------
Now, today's fucktard of the day award goes to...
The pushbroom mustache flaunting jackass in the white 1990 Honda Accord station wagon. You, sir, are a jackass. Not only is your lack of a chin exacerbated by your mouth-brow, but you drive slow, in the left lane, refuse to move right (this will be a running theme...) and the only fucking time you speed up is when I go to pass you on the right. Eat a dick and go die in a fire, thanks.
First, a little about me.
When it comes to driving, I am an asshole, no question there. I hate just about all of you and think it would be absolutely fantastic if there was some type of movie-style zombie apocalypse. I find most people in general to be inconsiderate self-important jackasses.
I have, literally, one of the worst commutes in the nation. I travel daily from Frederick, MD to Fairfax, VA. Now depending on what time I leave, I either take I-270 to I-495 to I-66, or Route 15 to the Leesburg Bypass to the Dulles Toll Road to Hunter Mill Road, or the reverse for the commute home. These are some of the most congested routes in the nation, only falling behind highways in Southern California.
It is 60 miles one-way, 120 miles a day, of all out war. To survive you have 2 choices; you can commit to driving slow and having no life outside of work on weekdays because all of your time is in a damn car, or you can hone your senses, train in the jedi art of weaving through traffic, and free up an extra hour each day.
Only an hour you say? Think about it, what can you do in an hour? Well for one, how about you join a damn gym, I see you all eating your McDonalds breakfast driving into work, suspension on your car worn out on the drivers side from supporting your fat ass. When you sit in a car for 3-4 hours a day and work 9 hours.. doesnt leave much time for anything else, an extra hour goes a long way.
Posting my venting here will hopefully server 2 functions. First and foremost, if you can't vent about how stupid everyone with a drivers license is, it can eventually manifest itself into absolute insane road rage, the type where people get physically hurt, ridiculous blood pressure, and a string of other health problems from all of the stress. Second, hopefully some of you god damn idiots will read this and think about the way you drive.
---
With that out of the way, my first post here will be on police, probably not in the way you think.
If I had to pick a shitty old computer game to relate to today, it would have to be Lemmings. You remember that game? To sum it up, there's a bunch of creatures that all just follow one another, without thinking.. you basically lose the game when they all walk off the edge of a cliff following the one in front of them.
Well all of you idiots on 270, you are all fucking dead lemmings. On the way in to my office today, 270 came to several abrupt sudden stops, in the express (HAH!) lanes, for no apparent reason, as I worked my way further down the highway, I found the source of this. A police officer had someone pulled over. No, not in the middle of the road, on the absolute far right shoulder of the local lanes.
What in the fuck do you expect to gain by slamming on your god damn brakes to stare at the guy getting a ticket? Really, does this make your entire day rock, seeing someone else suck at not getting caught? And its not just one person, you see, dumbass is a highly contagious disease. One dumbass comes to an almost sudden stop out of nowhere to gawk at the car pulled over, he realizes it really wasn't worth it and starts to accelerate. Well if that was it then that would be it.. but, you guessed it, no. The person behind him after (hopefully) avoiding rearending dumbass #1 has now caught the disease, he too must now look and see what is going on.. repeat this about eleventy billion times and you see how a single police car pulling over a single car, for something like a tail light being out, can cause traffic to go from the normal ridiculous to absolutely rage-inspiring.
Now, cue the drive home, and at this point the dumbass disease has overtaken the entire population of Maryland (except for myself, I apparently have a natural immunity). 2 police cars have a single car pulled over, its occupants standing behind it. I know this because I had plenty of time to look, seeing how every single fucking driver in front of me had instantly lost all intelligence. Bring on the chaos! TWO police cars! Everyone frantically change lanes and swerve! Seriously.
The moral of the story: unless you are the one being pulled over, dont fucking slow down to look at stupid shit! You may only have a 15 minute drive to and from work, and maybe this is the height of your entertainment for the day, but a lot of other people- myself included, by this point have already been driving for 45 minutes and still have at least another 30 to go. So how about you try to contain your retardation, go home and watch some stupid shit on YouTube, get your fix somewhere else... jackass.
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Now, today's fucktard of the day award goes to...
The pushbroom mustache flaunting jackass in the white 1990 Honda Accord station wagon. You, sir, are a jackass. Not only is your lack of a chin exacerbated by your mouth-brow, but you drive slow, in the left lane, refuse to move right (this will be a running theme...) and the only fucking time you speed up is when I go to pass you on the right. Eat a dick and go die in a fire, thanks.
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