Ok, really? You're all fucking idiots.
Yes, congestion is a traffic problem, but guess what.. congestion is made exponentially worse by you.
It's pretty bad that you can pretty much bank on the right lane being substantially faster than the left. Its not because everyone is going faster in the right lane, but because traffic is so much more spaced out. This way, whenever there's a police car, accident, empty car in the shoulder, or blade of fucking grass in the median- and all of the Lemmings must slam on their brakes in awe- the traffic in the right lane closes in those gaps.
Moving about 40mph, coming down a hill on I-270 today I got a real nice view of this. About 200 cars in the left lane, all fucking Lemmings, perfectly content with moving 40mph because the guy at the front of the line is a fucking jackass and has absolutely no right to be behind the wheel of a car. Hi, welcome to the highway, asshole. In the right lane, about 20 cars spaced out the length of the 200 in the left lane. Absolutely no cars in front of the "pace car" on 270, and about a solid 500 ft ahead of the nearest car in the right lane. Not only do we have king jackass attempting to start the morning rush hour, but then we have the rest of you morons behind him, either too scared to pass, or so zoned out on your starbucks and blackberry's to realize what the fuck is going on.
Maybe I'm the only one that remembers this from the Maryland drivers hand book, but it pretty clearly states the left lane is only for passing. In fact just about every state has a law stating the left lane is for passing, why do you think that is? You see when the interstate system was created, it was designed for 70mph, and the guys that made it actually were not assholes, they didn't like fucktards slowing them down either. They figured, "hm, what could go wrong here? Oh shit I know, uncle Jeb's a little slow in the head, he's gonna get out here and drive 40mph... better make a rule that takes care of that." There are signs all over the highway that say "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT." Oh, you get it now? Here's a news flash, YOU are the slower traffic, so move over.
Now, with that said, we have the next type of dipshit- the intentional cocksucker. First take a look at the web address here, "moveprius.blogspot.com." Now Google the term "prius slow left lane," look at the discussion results you get. These diddly-shit peckers apparently get stock in the highway system when they buy a prius, they must own it, because they do whatever they want. Some report PURPOSELY slowing down traffic because "55mph is the most fuel efficient speed, so I'll make everyone get better gas mileage." Others drive in the left lane and do stupid shit to "hyper-mile" (this is a stupid hybrid car term, meaning to attempt to get the best mpg possible). When they hyper-mile some try this "Pulse & Glide" technique, where they slow to ridiculously slow speeds and pulse the accelerator to charge their batteries, so they can go even slower on battery only, with absolutely no respect for any other person on the highway. Another well-published, and absolutely moronic prius method is called "ridge riding." The wily prius owner will purposely drive with tires on one side of the car on the paint stripe. This is to "reduce drag.." ok, really? I couldnt even make this shit up, google it.. these people are not right.
You see Prius owners, most anyway, are brainwashed by the fancy computer in their car, turns driving into a game for them. "Ohhh lets see how much mpg I can get today on my 15mile drive to work, if I go 40 in a 65 it only takes me an extra 5 minutes to get to work/home, F everyone else". And then these little whiny bitches go on their prius forums and complain about "prius haters." News flash you pricks, we don't hate your prius, we hate the way you are driving. We're not jealous of your MPG, we're mad because you will not get the fuck out of the way. Maybe you're driving in the right lane, but your prius buddy up 20 cars ahead, in the left lane, is doing the same exact shit, between the two of you you are now creating a traffic jam.
I've thought about getting a prius many times, despite the fact that its one of the most ugly cars I've seen since the original Pontiac Aztek (which coincidentally looks like a prius on steroids), it gets 40-50mpg driving -FAST-, I dont need 70mpg. What is that really saving you, ever done the math? Not sure about you but my time is fucking expensive. But yes, I have thought about buying a prius, I have not because I actually need a car with passing power, because I have to weave around you shitfucks, or maybe its fear that I too will become one of the brainwashed pod people that devotes my life to saving $0.14 on every drive to work by taking an extra hour. And who the fuck decided these assholes get to drive in the HOV lanes? They already drive like assholes to get 70mpg and used to get huge tax credits (may still, dont know, dont care), why in the fuck would we let these assholes into the left-most lane? Sure good idea, now when they need to get over to exit, since they are all too busy watching their fuel computers they wait till the last minute, then either stop the HOV lane to merge into slower traffic, or slow down faster traffic in the non-HOV lanes slamming on their brakes to get over at the last minute. This is not a prius-specific phenomena, but I'm on a prius rant so roll with it.
Just to be clear though, the Prius -driver- is only a part of the problem, there are still more dumbasses with normal gas vehicles than there are dumbasses with hybrids. It is starting to get funny, I listen to WTOP for an hour or more in the morning on my drive to work. It is a necessity with traffic around here, you cant just listen to the traffic report on you're way out the door, you need to keep tabs on traffic the entire drive so you can divert and reroute if need be. Quite often they have some type of traffic related question for their "WTOP talkback line," and quite often you'll get Johnny Jackass calling saying "I drive 50mph in the left lane, the speed limit is 55, you are breaking the law if you go faster." You, Johnny Jackass, you are the problem, maybe you should take a look at the traffic laws again, as I said before, the LAW is that the left lane to only be used for passing, and that you MUST move right for faster traffic. Look at that, you're breaking the law. God damn hypocritical pricks.. Luckily there are no shortage of callers arguing my side, "you can go slow, do it somewhere other than a highway", "the left lane is the passing lane", "just get out of the way", or something similar..
The solution to the world's traffic problems is simple- make every road have 2 lanes in each direction, abolish all traffic laws with the exception of move right for faster traffic, and STRICTLY enforce that law. If you slap $5000 fines on people for not moving right, you better believe most of the congestion will clear up. Even better, with no other traffic laws it would now be legal to give the car in front of you a little courtesy tap.. just in case they didn't realize you were trying to pass them.
Keep the shiny side up, and out of my way.
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Today's Captain Douchebag award goes to you, driver of the Silver Nissan Sentra, MD tags, getting off at my exit on I-66... Once I get off the highway, I have to merge into traffic, and get over to the far left turn lane in a matter of about 150 ft. In 6 years of working in this office, I have never once had a problem doing that, until you came along, sunshine. You too needed to get to the far turn lane, but unlike myself (or anyone else with half a brain), instead of speeding up to the speed of traffic to merge, you slow down and almost get rear ended cutting into traffic. Somehow you successfully played your game of frogger and got over to the far left turn lane without going over 5mph, unfortunately though you fucked up traffic so much I could not get over, first time in six fucking years. Had to take the long- back way around to get where I was going, much to my surprise to arrive at my work parking lot the same time as you. Too bad you were going to another building, I'd have loved the opportunity to explain merging to you, just as well though, I do not speak Spanish.
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