I'll start off with saying this is all "fictional" of course.. all situations found within this blog are hypothetical..
First, a little about me.
When it comes to driving, I am an asshole, no question there. I hate just about all of you and think it would be absolutely fantastic if there was some type of movie-style zombie apocalypse. I find most people in general to be inconsiderate self-important jackasses.
I have, literally, one of the worst commutes in the nation. I travel daily from Frederick, MD to Fairfax, VA. Now depending on what time I leave, I either take I-270 to I-495 to I-66, or Route 15 to the Leesburg Bypass to the Dulles Toll Road to Hunter Mill Road, or the reverse for the commute home. These are some of the most congested routes in the nation, only falling behind highways in Southern California.
It is 60 miles one-way, 120 miles a day, of all out war. To survive you have 2 choices; you can commit to driving slow and having no life outside of work on weekdays because all of your time is in a damn car, or you can hone your senses, train in the jedi art of weaving through traffic, and free up an extra hour each day.
Only an hour you say? Think about it, what can you do in an hour? Well for one, how about you join a damn gym, I see you all eating your McDonalds breakfast driving into work, suspension on your car worn out on the drivers side from supporting your fat ass. When you sit in a car for 3-4 hours a day and work 9 hours.. doesnt leave much time for anything else, an extra hour goes a long way.
Posting my venting here will hopefully server 2 functions. First and foremost, if you can't vent about how stupid everyone with a drivers license is, it can eventually manifest itself into absolute insane road rage, the type where people get physically hurt, ridiculous blood pressure, and a string of other health problems from all of the stress. Second, hopefully some of you god damn idiots will read this and think about the way you drive.
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With that out of the way, my first post here will be on police, probably not in the way you think.
If I had to pick a shitty old computer game to relate to today, it would have to be Lemmings. You remember that game? To sum it up, there's a bunch of creatures that all just follow one another, without thinking.. you basically lose the game when they all walk off the edge of a cliff following the one in front of them.
Well all of you idiots on 270, you are all fucking dead lemmings. On the way in to my office today, 270 came to several abrupt sudden stops, in the express (HAH!) lanes, for no apparent reason, as I worked my way further down the highway, I found the source of this. A police officer had someone pulled over. No, not in the middle of the road, on the absolute far right shoulder of the local lanes.
What in the fuck do you expect to gain by slamming on your god damn brakes to stare at the guy getting a ticket? Really, does this make your entire day rock, seeing someone else suck at not getting caught? And its not just one person, you see, dumbass is a highly contagious disease. One dumbass comes to an almost sudden stop out of nowhere to gawk at the car pulled over, he realizes it really wasn't worth it and starts to accelerate. Well if that was it then that would be it.. but, you guessed it, no. The person behind him after (hopefully) avoiding rearending dumbass #1 has now caught the disease, he too must now look and see what is going on.. repeat this about eleventy billion times and you see how a single police car pulling over a single car, for something like a tail light being out, can cause traffic to go from the normal ridiculous to absolutely rage-inspiring.
Now, cue the drive home, and at this point the dumbass disease has overtaken the entire population of Maryland (except for myself, I apparently have a natural immunity). 2 police cars have a single car pulled over, its occupants standing behind it. I know this because I had plenty of time to look, seeing how every single fucking driver in front of me had instantly lost all intelligence. Bring on the chaos! TWO police cars! Everyone frantically change lanes and swerve! Seriously.
The moral of the story: unless you are the one being pulled over, dont fucking slow down to look at stupid shit! You may only have a 15 minute drive to and from work, and maybe this is the height of your entertainment for the day, but a lot of other people- myself included, by this point have already been driving for 45 minutes and still have at least another 30 to go. So how about you try to contain your retardation, go home and watch some stupid shit on YouTube, get your fix somewhere else... jackass.
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Now, today's fucktard of the day award goes to...
The pushbroom mustache flaunting jackass in the white 1990 Honda Accord station wagon. You, sir, are a jackass. Not only is your lack of a chin exacerbated by your mouth-brow, but you drive slow, in the left lane, refuse to move right (this will be a running theme...) and the only fucking time you speed up is when I go to pass you on the right. Eat a dick and go die in a fire, thanks.
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