While I tout myself for being an excellent (fast) driver in all conditions, there are even times when I myself must slow down for the conditions. In the rare event that this happens, unlike all of you cocksuckers, I stay to the right.. today was one of those mornings.
Raining here pretty damn hard this morning, left for work late, so traffic was not as heavy as usual, although still totally fucked though due to the rain. These conditions are ideal for spotting the next fool on the list, the lunasstic..
This dumb shit for brains fool has absolutely no concern for safety, no concept of the issue of hydro-planing, has x-ray vision, formula-1 racecar training, and the ability to safely pilot his piece of shit car through the heaviest of downpours. This retard of the road weaves through traffic when conditions are absolutely horrid, heavy downpours with zero-visibility causing ponding water between lanes, nothing will stop Johnny Jackass from getting to Wendy's for his triple quarter pounder, even death. You'll again catch up with this fool when you finally get to the end of the traffic backup, the flashing lights of police cars and ambulances are a dead give away.
To balance the universe every force must have its opposing equal, this brings us to the Rain Pussy. Almost ALWAYS found in the left lane impeding traffic flow, even the slightest hint of moisture in the air will cause this half-brained asshole to slow down. God forbid its drizzling, it must be the end of the god damn world, how on earth are you supposed to drive in this shit? What the fuck will you do? Is you're life insurance paid up? What will come of your family?
Dumbass.
What fucking reason do you have for staying in the left lane? Oh thats right, you dont want anyone in front of you throwing up some road spray. Well news flash asshole, you cant avoid it, turn your wipers up a notch and move the fuck over. If you are not comfortable driving in the rain, then exit off the fucking highway and wait for it to pass. Don't slow down the rest of the world because you are worried your god damn all-wheel-drive subaru with brand new all-season tires on it cant handle a little light rain. You see, its actually pretty easy to drive in the rain, sit down children, its lesson time-
How to drive in the rain:
1) turn wipers and headlights on
2) continue on as normal
The end. If you cant understand that, go back to the DMV and return your drivers license, you shouldn't have it to begin with.
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